Molly Toomey

Welcome! I’m Molly Toomey, an American therapist and social worker living in Germany. I offer poly- and kink-informed, queer- and trans-affirming, and neuro-affirming psychological counseling in English for adults in Germany and worldwide. Whether you’re queer, trans, polyamorous or another flavor of ENM, kinky, neurodivergent, or questioning it all—I’m here to help you gain insight on your past and present, break free of patterns that no longer serve you, enjoy better relationships and greater self-worth, and step into the life you want.

My practice is dedicated to providing affirming, competent therapeutic support for folks who live and love outside the box and often feel judged or misunderstood in therapy. This includes support for folks who are/were poly or non-monogamous or are curious to explore it. For example, I’ve served clients who…

… had become polyamorous after being in a monogamous relationship, and wanted to process what this meant for their relationships and identities

… saw themselves as a “late-bloomer” regarding their sexual and relationship orientations and was exploring what this might mean for their existing and future relationships

… were grappling with attachment issues that emerged when navigating multiple relationships, such as fear of intimacy (or fear of losing it), struggles with jealousy, and questioning their self-worth

… struggled with boundaries and communication about their needs in their polycule

… wanted to explore their desires and past experiences with BDSM and non-monogamous relationships and whether/how to integrate these into their current relationship

My counseling approach draws cues from relational psychodynamic therapy. It requires vulnerability, authenticity, collaboration, and really showing up—both of us! This approach is all about healing through connection. It starts with building a genuine, trusting alliance with me where you feel safe enough to dig into the tough stuff at your own pace. We’ll explore past and present relationships and build a blueprint for safety and more fulfilling relationships with others and with yourself—starting with us, in session.

I also draw from “parts work” for folks looking to understand their traumas and negative beliefs about themselves and the world that may be holding them back, make peace with their painful pasts so that they can feel alive and connected in the present, and feel more cohesive and whole.

Note: Counseling with me is warm, affirming, and also challenging. (Consider me “gently confrontational”!) I’m here not just to support, listen, and validate, but to actively participate in your healing journey with meaningful questions, interpretations, and guided explorations of your pain-points to support your own healing process.

I also bring in lived experience with polyamory and various alternative relationship models and lifestyle practices. I’m openly neurodivergent, queer and trans/gender-expansive as well. This means your support comes from someone who gets it not only professionally, but also personally—and you won’t spend your sessions explaining or defending your experiences and choices to your counselor.

If you’re looking for a fresh approach to counseling from an affirming, nonjudgmental professional who actually understands, please reach out today for a free 30-minute video consult and let’s chat about how I can best help you!

For a free consult, please contact me at: [email protected]

Here’s an overview of what I can offer you:

Services: Individual counseling for adults (online only)

Specializations:

• Gender, sexual, and relationship diversity—including LGBTQIA+ folks, polyamorous and other non-monogamous people, kink/BDSM practitioners (including people in power exchange dynamics), and folks who are unsure, questioning, or exploring their identities, relationship preferences, and desires.
• Neurodivergence—including folks who are autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, bipolar, or have experienced complex/relational trauma.
• Migration and culture—including immigrants, expats, internationals, and people in culturally mixed relationships.

Approach: Affirming, psychodynamic, heavily relational, some ego-states/parts work. My core training and foundation is in psychodynamic psychotherapy and trauma-informed clinical social work with a focus on LGBTQIA+ and marginalized communities.

Communities served: Adults (18+) with non-mainstream identities or relationship practices who are looking to explore their identities, interests, and desires, improve their relationships with themselves and others, get “un-stuck” from unhelpful patterns in their relationships or communication, and feel more confident and whole. Nearly all of my clients are LGBTQ+, neurodivergent (diagnosed and undiagnosed), and/or in poly or ENM relationships or non-traditional relationship structures such as power exchange/BDSM/kink dynamics. Most have experiences of complex/relational trauma. Several of my clients have alternative spiritual practices or are involved in alt subcultures. I also have clients who are sex workers.

Experience: I’ve been in the business of helping people since 2010. I have nearly a decade of experience in the field of therapy, counseling, and social work, and significant experience in sexuality education and counseling. My qualifications include rigorous master’s-level education in trauma-informed psychodynamic psychotherapy, extensive practical training, and many years of on-the-ground experience working with marginalized communities online and in person.

Languages spoken: English (German also possible)

Note for U.S. residents: If you live in the USA, I offer therapy to residents of Connecticut and Vermont under my clinical license as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker; I also offer non-clinical coaching to folks nationwide. If you’re interested in therapy (CT and VT residents only) or non-clinical coaching, please visit the website for my U.S. practice, Two Torches Therapy: https://twotorchestherapy.com/